Technocracy Chronicles Quotes


“Is Adrian secretly in love with me?”

“All shall be revealed.”

“It’s the first session and you’re already saying that.  That scares me.”


“I’m married to a woman.  That makes me a man.”


“I turn to Agent Lindley…oh, wait, I am Agent Lindley.”


“Before I got my mind messed with, I had a one and a half in Charisma!”


“So you’re saying your Charisma ingested half of your Appearance?”

“Yeah, it was statistical diablerie.”


“Is he hot?”

“He’s not unattractive, but he’s not exactly attractive either.  He’s just average.”

“So on a scale of one to five, he’s a two?”

“Well…yes, but at the higher end of two.”

“A two and a half?”

“Ah, the wonders of a five-point scale.”


Ahlic’s first words to Emily, while holding a fistful of sharpened pencils which he’s been lobbing into the ceiling tiles:

“Hi!  Can I decorate your ceiling?”


“He’s a Technocrat pooka!”


“She sits down with a bag of Doritos and starts eating them by the handful.  They’re noisy.  They’re crunkling.”


Ahlic to Adrian (this was hilariously funny, but it’s hard to transcribe why):

“Sir, you will give me back my pencils, or I will be forced to get another box!”


“They’re not doing anything.  They’re sitting around eating pizza and talking about how much fun it would be to get Agent Lindley drunk.”


“Would you like to see the printout?”

“You printed it out?!”



“If Agent Lindley wouldn’t be such a bitch, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

“Oh, yeah, if Nikki wouldn’t play her character, life would be so much easier!”


“I don’t know.  Maybe I just have kids.”


“Here’s my advice.  Never have kids.  Then you’ll throw pencils at the ceiling.”


“Are you feeling up your character sheet?”


“My Technocractic Construct is so not named ‘Lollipop.’”


“Adrian is such a poopyhead!”


“Yeah, I don’t give any coffee to Carolyn, because she’s an NPC.”


Agent Lindley, doing damage control in her office:

“Well, I suppose we could have a meeting…BUT NOT HERE!”


“So it’s 8:30.  You come out of your new office and you see a woman who looks like…”



“We followed them to Denny’s, where we saw them.”

“Observed them!  Let’s be scientific.”


“Zack Morris?  That’s not his name.  Oh yes, Saved By The Bell: The Technocratic Years.”


“What’s the name of the parking garage?”


“Who’s it controlled by?  The Technocracy, the Traditions, the Marauders, or the Nephandi?”


“He’s eating at an Italian restaurant.  He’s obviously on our side.”


“Were you ever married?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you know?”

“…I don’t know.”


“It’s just pretend.  I have no feelings for you, you have no feelings for me.”

“Boy, is that right!”


“Agent Lindley, why did you take the drugs?”

“I wanted to find out what kind they were.”

(pause)  “Oh, you mean steal them, not ingest them.”


“So I put on the anal-y thing…”


“If starting a family makes you like Agent Lenkey, I’m never having kids.”

“…And the world breathes a huge sigh of relief.”


(about Adrian)  “You know, he’s really a Technocrat.”


“You don’t hold me back!  I hold me back!”  (Iain, imitating Adrian…also hilariously funny but hard to transcribe.)


“Mr. Technocracy, Agent Lenkey’s hitting me!”


“Having post-traumatic stress disorder is almost as bad as being Mexican!”


“Are you a 34-year-old virgin, like Althea?”

“Um…good question.”


“I don’t understand how you could get that close to someone you know you might have to kill.”



“Way to go.  You just turned Adrian into a quivering puddle of goo.”

“Well, I’m just going to go home and bite my pillow!”


“Why didn’t you ever ask me these personal questions before, Agent Lindley?”

“Well, we didn’t play these characters until now…”


Random Agent Lindley question #1:

“What size pants do you wear?  34, 36?”


“Why did you grab the cat by the front paws?”

“Well, excuse me for sucking at pantomime.”


“No, I can totally picture Adrian just grabbing the cat one-handed and swinging it around!  That’s because he’s EVIL!”


“Agent Lindley is an animal.  An animal in the sack!”


“The only pet he has is the one-eyed snake.”

“And he pets it every night and thinks of Agent Lindley.”


“My parents always told me that the tidy-bowl man would come for me if I stood on the toilet too long.”

“Excuse me?  If you’re standing on the toilet, you deserve to get sucked down the hole.”


“Dude, your wife is the Indiana Jones of matrimony.  That’s ‘cause she’s got a big whip!”


“Are they talking about me?”

“Yes, but they’re speaking Arabic, and you’re not there!”


“Beth, my partner is trying to eat me!”


“Well, so I’m not an expert on pot growing!  Excuuuuuuuse me!”


“We’ll have miles of Myles!  Tons of smiles!”


“Which part of the NWO are you from?”


“No, I’m from the World!”

“I’m from Order!”


“You know, I need a real cat, because right now it looks like I’m petting my breast.”


“You don’t have to say mysterious things and then walk away, Adrian!”

“Actually…I do.”


“What?  You did people and then killed them?”


“So if she was going to have sex with him, would she have to, like, schedule it?”

“9:45 p.m…have orgasm.”


“He’s in the Caul!  It’s like a hot tub, only painy-er!”


“Have you tried tea?  It’s like water with leaves in it.”


“Cream?  Sugar?”

“No, I like it black.  Black like my last name…with white added.”


“I haven’t ever seen you go after a woman in that way, Adrian.”

(snort)  “I wonder why.”


“Every day is a bad day when you’re bigoted against humans and horribly deformed.”


“I’ve decided I don’t like people with mind shields.”


“I’ll shoot at the one that’s attacking Adrian.”

“I’ll shoot at Adrian!”


“Icy is not like that!  Icy is like…a frozen lake.”


“Well, I think we all know the drill with Anas.”

“He shoots and misses?”




“Good thing I have my medkit with me.”

“Are you going to heal people?”



“After due consideration, the Symposium has decided to recommend…”

“Termination!  Termination!  Termination!”


“Hey, look, Agent Lindley!  It’s your quasi-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend!”


“Well, what do you know.  It’s a small, small Technocratic compound.”


“Now I understand why Adrian has a thing for me.  I had long blonde hair like that once.”

“Yeah, too bad that was before your Charisma diablerized it.”


“They need a search engine called ‘Name That Deviant.’  You just enter in the symptoms and then…”


“Agent Lindley goes to Arlington National Cemetery and hangs out with the dead people.”


“Aah!  Un-business stuff in my business folder!”


“She’s having a bit of an identity criseless.  I mean, crisis.”


“Adrian doesn’t really know too much about that.”

“Does Adrian know anything?”

“Hey, he has a one…oh, wait, you just ripped on my character and I didn’t even notice it.”


“Could you tell me when I was born?”


“They even have a few openings for people who want to do janitorial work.”

“Why are you looking at me, Agent Lindley?”

“Why are you looking at me, Agent Lenkey?”

“Ayeka!  Ryouko!  Cut it out!”


“Is there anything more that you want to tell me?”

“Nothing that you’d want to hear.”


“Adrian, you’re going to be on your own for an hour.”

“So sit in the corner and behave yourself!”


“We’re going to start out by having each of you say exactly what you find frustrating about the other.  Hopefully, this isn’t a really bad idea.”


“Start in generalities and narrow down to a specific point.”

“I see pencils as being the last thing on this list…”


“See?  Pencils were at the end!”

“That’s because they have a point.”


“She also says mean things behind my back, and sometimes in front of my back.”


“Anything else?”

“She’s a pencil-hater!  She only uses pens.  You can’t erase with pens.”

“Agent Lenkey, I don’t make mistakes.”


“You smiled in character!  Oh my God!”


“I’m not drunk.  I’m just trying to get comfortable.”


“You just spilled lemonade on the werewolf.”


“I like the angry clicking of chopsticks.  It amuses me.”


“I should dock you experience for throwing a chopstick at the GM.”


“I like my partner.  He’s very able.”

(spoken in the most suggestive tone of voice possible) “Oh…he’s able.”


“You know who my tutor was?  Astrid.”

“Yeah, and now every time I use Correspondence, I’ll hate, hate, hate you.”


“Be sure to invite Ahlic back for the wedding, okay?  By that time he’ll be an archmage and kick all of your asses.”

“Why would Ahlic advance that much faster than us?”

“I think she’s saying that you’ll all be incredibly old and powerful before Adrian admits anything.”

“Yeah, by the time that happens, we’ll be 90, and I’ll be like (old person voice) ‘Oh, I love you.’”

“And he’ll, like, die of a heart attack!”

“Ah, but by that time I’ll have Life 5.  I can bring him back.”


“Oh, yeah…stir it…stir it…knead it…knead it…”


“I didn’t know your wife was Awakened!  You never told me!”


“Did you find anything interesting?”

“You should listen to the first surveillance tape.  It’s funny.”


“It’s hard for me to cook enough to feed myself.”

“It’s hard for me to eat everything I cook.”


“But you can’t move in with me.”


“So, since I wasn’t here last session, what did my character do?”

“Oh, she was drunk.”


“I meant in a metaphorical sense.”


“And you wonder why no one ever likes you.  She comes up to you all big-eyed and asks ‘what happened?’ and all of a sudden you’re just like ‘RAAAAAARR!’”


“This is like the first episode of a TV show, where the new girl comes in and it’s her first day in the big, bad Technocracy, and it’s one of those ‘I’m gonna make it after all!’ shows.”


Dr. Reed’s internal monologue while being licked by Sven:

“This is like college, when I was dating John.  It’s cute, and hurty.”


“One of my goals is to fix Agent Lindley.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you’ll make it so she can’t have babies.”


“We’re having girl talk in Barbie’s office!”


Dr. Reed, on why she has a crush on Adrian:

“He’s got this average handsomeness about him…”


“Yummy yummy in my non-existent tummy!”


“This is Agent Myles…Cassondra Myles.”

“Yeah, just in case he mistakes you for Adrian.”

“No!  Carolyn!”

“Think about how many people named Myles there must be in the Technocracy.”

“Myles and myles and myles of Myles!”

“Actually, if this group is an accurate representation of the Technocracy, then one-third of the whole Technocracy has the last name of Myles.”


“Is everyone in the Technocracy afraid of Agent Lindley?”


“No, Barbie!  Bad Barbie!  You’re supposed to be easy!  Barbie is easy!”


“I’ll see what I can do.  People like you don’t tend to get their hands on devices like this.”

“Well, men like you don’t tend to get their hands on women like us.”


(sigh)  “I can’t help it that Adrian’s got such a sexy voice…”


“Did you just roll to see if you like hard-boiled eggs?”


“Where does Adrian live?  With Agent Lindley?”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha…no.”


“What does Adrian see in Agent Lindley?  She’s scary, kind of like Hitler is scary.”


“All right, but if you get shot, don’t come crying to me.”  (Yes, we’re still talking about Dr. Reed asking Adrian out.)


“We’ll eat…there.  What is it?”

“It’s a barbecue place.”

“A Hungarian barbecue place.”

“A Mongolian Hungarian barbecue place!”

“Yes, it’s multicultural.”


“I’m sorry I lied about my name, but I didn’t know anything about you people and I was afraid you’d come to my door and bother me, like Mormons or something.”


“Oh, the back of Adrian’s head is so ordinarily handsome!”


“So, I bet you know everything about Agent Lindley.”

“Her shoe size, when she menstruates…”


“Do you have any pets?”

“Actually, I’m a pet myself.”


“Dude, you’re disgusting.  You’re like a guy.  That’s awesome.”  (Derek Malven to Dr. Grey.)


“Aww, he’s kind of cute.  Too bad I think they should all die.”


“Don’t you ever ask people interesting questions?”

“Not about hard-boiled eggs.”

“No, you just ask about their pants size.”


“Agent Lindley eating…Agent Myles?”


“These are Reality Deviants.  They think outside the box.”


“Does your mom know where you live?”

“Um…yes.  With her.”


“Why don’t we forcibly awaken your mom so we can talk about work in front of her?”

“Don’t you need Prime 5 to do that?”

“Yes, and experiments along those lines have a tendency to go horribly, horribly wrong.”


“She doesn’t count.  She’s just their mom, an NPC we never talk to.”


“This is the highlight of my week: the Technocrats discussing Doogie Howser.”


“Okay, I have to pee.  No one make a quote while I’m gone.”


“If you ever don’t know someone’s name in the Technocracy, call them Agent Myles.  If this group is any indication, there’s a one in three chance you’ll be right.”


“I don’t teach him how to grind.  I’m a good little Muslim girl.”


“I wonder what Adrian’s email address is?”



“Maybe we should get…”



“I have to, um, wash my hair.”

“I’ll help!”


“Hey, that’s getting personal.  You’re insulting a woman’s thing.”


To the tune of “The 12 Days Of Christmas”:

“…Three Technocrats, two cases of beer, and a cat going to a dog’s house!”


“Ooh, Alvin’s mind in Adrian’s body…ooh, yes!”

“And there you have it.  Progenitor sex fantasies, ladies and gentlemen.”


“He was going to die if I hadn’t done something.”

“So I danced naked in the hamster rain!”


Agent Lindley and Dr. Reed, channeling Laurel:

“The best way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach.  It’s through his ribcage.”

“And his pericardium.”


“You’re like a cute little puppy.  I want to kick you but I can’t.”


“Have a nice day, Dr. Grey.  Hey, that rhymed.  That was cool.”


“I don’t wanna neutralize him!  I wanna take him home and keep him!”


“It’s the X-Files of the Technocracy!”

“Only it’s more like the T-Files, because that’s when you get when you turn an X on its side.”

“Um…actually, Rachel, you still get an X.”


“He’s a nice guy, once you get past the drug dealing.”


“Agent Lindley has a very sad life if coffee is her substitute for sex.”


“Poor Adrian.  He’s in a room with his ex-girlfriend, the girl he wants to be his girlfriend, and a different girl who wants him to be her boyfriend.”


“Hunter: it’s the latest communicable disease!”


“I’m a psychologist, not a red shirt, damn it!”

“…Do you mean that we’re going to die?”  (Dr. Reed starts crying during the briefing.  Nobody cares.)


“Agent Lindley’s going to be my meat shield!”

“Except Adrian’s going to be my meat shield!”


“Shame on you, murdering helpless people.”

“They’re not helpless!”

“Yeah, they are!  They’re hunters!”


“She’s going to have to break her murder hymen sometime.  Why not today?”


“Hello, Alvin.  I’m not wearing any pants.”


“I consider everyone Nephandi until proven Technocrat.”


“I like buttons!”


“Oh, my God.  They’re having sex.”

“And it HURTS!”


“There were more than 20 sticks of dynamite in that building.  There’s no way anyone within 15 feet of it should have lived.”

“But Adrian lived!”

“Well, Adrian’s cooler than you.”


“So you’re saying you have a spiritual connection with it?”

“I wouldn’t say spiritual…Dimensional Science, maybe.”


“I do not gaze at Agent Lindley.”


“Agent Lindley, I don’t gaze at you, do I?”


“…And I’m really secretly in love with you, but it’s like, what’s it called, like in Air Force One when the missles are coming for the plane and all the stuff pops out of the back?”


“Just FYI, Rachel: You should never tell me that Dr. Grey thinks that hunters are scarier than Nephandi.  I take that as a challenge.”


“I feel as if anything I’ve done this week has been fairly inconsequential.  I think it has something to do with the fact that no one has played me for awhile.”


“I go back to doing kung fu forms.  I like that, because when I say ‘I’m doing forms’ it makes it sound like I’m accomplishing something by actually filling stuff out.”


“You have a cat, you have a pencil, and you have a cardboard box full of styrofoam packing peanuts.”

“He put packing peanuts in with the cat?”

“It’s Ahlic!”


“What did you just say?  I heard something about sex and woodchucks.”

“Ooh!  Sex with woodchucks!”

“Is that a merit or a flaw?”

“Two-point Obsession.  Fetish: Woodchucks.”


“Okay…so Adrian asks you what you want to do, and in response you suggestively lick the ass of your marshmallow peep.”


“What about…uh…Dr. Myles, Agent Myles, and Agent Myles?”


“Oh, Alvin, you taste like pot!”


“So I get him a pair of Jncos, the kind that show off his ass…”

“His averagely handsome ass!”

“…And a shirt like the kind that Ryan would wear.”

“Oh, my God.  You turned him into Arie.”


“Does the snail have a name?”

“It’s Stan.  Isn’t that right, Stan?”

“The snail kind of slimes across the bottom of the jar in response.”


(Steve, about Emily and Adrian)  “They were playing some sort of crazy sex game or something…”


“Hee hee hee…look at how much skin I can show!”


“He wiggles his toes at you suggestively and says, ‘Rowr!’”


“Okay.  So there is now a bare-ass naked, relatively attractive former Son of Ether in your apartment.  Did you just botch your Willpower roll?”


“He’s naked, you’re in your underwear, the dog’s in its kennel averting its eyes, and you’re making out on the floor.  Just keep rolling Willpower, Missy.”


“I don’t wanna scare them!  They’ve got shooty things!”


“You can dodge if you want to…doo dee doo doo doo da doo…”

“It’s the safety dodge!”


“Aww…these guys wrecked the shirt that Alvin did me in.”


“Thank you for being a male slut, Alvin.”


“I’m not a pussy!  I’m a diplomat!”


“We need to fill up the rest of this quote book.  (points)  You.  Say something funny.”

“Um…something funny?”


“Um, Beth, is this town by any chance named Salem’s Lot?”


“Pine Island?  I went to Pine Island.  There was no island, and not too many pines.”

“Shut up!”


“How many dots in Drive do you have?”

“Your character doesn’t know that!”

“I know!  That’s why I’m asking!”


“I’m only asking because it looks like you’re about to fly off the handle and hit someone.”

“I wouldn’t hit anyone.  I’d shoot them.”


“I don’t like riding in cars with people who want to shoot me.”


“I roll my eyes as she orgasms over the donut.”


“They made a Stonehenge out of the picnic tables and then set them on fire.”

“Oh, that’s deviant behavior, right there.”


“What is it about Julia?”

“The Sexy merit.  Along with Smooth, Approachable, and People Person.”

“What’s wrong with Dr. Grey?  Sure, she’s an Icy, Short Fused alcoholic, but…”

“Um.  Yes.  Exactly.”


“I really don’t want to be eaten by my old character.”


“Will you quit being so unfriendly?”

“Will you quit being such a bitch?!”

“Um…guys, the GM is hiding behind her marker board.”


“I say hello.  Remember, I’m holding a paintball gun.”

“This is going to end badly…”


“Hi.  Who is this?”


“Why do you have my phone?”

“You gave it to me.  I’m going to call Tibet now.  Bye!”


“You wake up on top of something soft and squishy.  It smells like garbage.”

“You know, I’m seriously considering rolling over, going back to sleep, and seeing if it goes away…”  (She did.)


“I crawl across the bed.”

“Ooh!  Kinky!”


(in reference to the Anita Blake novels)  “I’m really getting tired of erections, and hard nipples, and stuff.”


“Is there anything in the house at all?”

“Just the blinds on the windows, and some dust.”

(in unison)  “They left behind the dust?  How dare they!”


“Does this sort of thing happen often?”

“What?!  Why would you need an oven?”


“Looks like they used the anti-matter knick-knack gun.”


“I love how you’re negotiating your metagaming.”


“I am so sorry we’re late, Agent Kota.  You see, it was all my fault.  I had some GI problems, so I couldn’t even get off the toilet, and they all had to wait for me.”


(about Adrian and Emily)  “They always have a hand on each other’s ass.  They just don’t know it yet.”


“Oh, baby, you are endless.”


“He’s driving us around.  He’s our bitch!”

“He’s supposed to be my bitch.”

“Well…we’re borrowing him!”  (Two guesses who this was about.)


“There may be strength in numbers, but there’s also strength in grenades.”


“I’m sorry.  Agent Lindley is currently our of order.”


“Dr. Reed, in case you were wondering, I have some enhancements that sort of eat away at me.”


“So you have to appease the stomach gods?”


“Half an hour?  That’s fast for lesbians!”


“I climb out of the moving train car and run toward the hidden door.”

“Okay.  Dex plus Athletics.  You know, this is a horrible accident just waiting to happen.”

(rolls dice)  “I botch.”


“Here, Dr. Reed.  This beer is from Guam.”

“Then why does it say Old Milwaukee on the label?”

“Um…it was made by immigrants.”


“I didn’t forget he was a mage.  I just forgot that I knew that he knew that I knew that he was a mage.”


“Drunks!  Shut up!”


“In our next life, my Avatar is going to beat up your Avatar.”


“Yes!  I killed someone’s manhood.  My day is complete.”


“It’s a date!  Oh, and you can come too, Anas.”


“So you’re saying that from now on, we should refer to things as being hung like a barnacle?”


“Great.  You go out and buy a kitty dildo.”


“When there’s something strange, in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?  Technocracy!”


“Why don’t you just ask Allah to blow the door shut?”

“I don’t think that’s very scientific.”

“It’s more scientific than clicking a knife in and out of its sheath and hoping that will produce wind.”


“I should have just taken my clothes off and said to him, ‘Take me, I’m a slut.’”


“Alcohol may make you feel good, but it doesn’t give you an orgasm!”


“I wonder if I should kiss him goodnight.”

“With Anas watching?”

“Have a menage a trois!”

“How would that solve anything?”

“Yes!  Three hands, three pleasure centers!”

“Wait a minute…don’t you mean six hands?”

“They’re doing it with one hand tied behind their back!

“Or maybe they’re all one-armed sluts!”


“Thank you, oh benevolent GM, for letting me live so that I may continue to botch.”


“Yeah, because nothing says lovin’ like brainwashing someone into being a Technocrat.”


“We’re gorging ourselves on raisins and pickles.  Good God, you’d think we were all pregnant.”



(gasp)  “SEX!”


“Come on, everybody here has almost killed Lindley.  It’s like a rite of passage in the Technocracy.”


“From now on, this will be referred to as the session where everyone said no to drugs.”


“Okay.  No more pot for you.  If you smoke it again, do you know what that means?”

(gasp, small voice)  “No sex for me…”


“Carmen Bright is in your apartment?”

“Yes, and she ate my whole fridge.”

“The cooling unit must have gone down a little hard.”

“Now she’s got a belly full of freon.  Mmm!”


Lindley calls Reed while Reed is flushing Alvin’s pot down the toilet:

“Dr. Grey?”


[Sound of a toilet flushing.]

“Sorry to catch you at such a bad time.”

“No, it’s okay.  I’m just flushing the pot right now.”

“I hear that.”


“I’m still here at the construct.  I didn’t want to walk very far with pot in my pants.”


“Misery loves company.  But so does sadism.”


“It’s like she has Montezuma’s revenge!”

“Yes!  I’m a weapon!  Just aim me at the opposition and let me go!”


“I have my gun, my grenades, and my sanity.  I’m all set.”


“I just realized that Technocracy is turning into Evangelion.  I’m going crazy and slowly retreating into my mind, just like Asuka.  Reed is Misato going off and shooting all the corrupt people.  So I think Adrian should get into a giant robot and go fight some Angels!”


“We don’t have a werewolf.  And even if we did, we’d just have to kill it.”


“Alvin?  Alvin?  If you can just focus, I promise I’ll make love to you like nothing else.”

(immediately)  “What do you want?”


“Yeah!  We’re in the anus of the labyrinth!”


“Now we can have a conga line!”

“A conga line of Willpower rolls!”


“Do you think any of these people will be happy to walk all the way through a Nephandi labyrinth just to find out that she killed herself without us?”

“Yeah, she should have waited so we could help.”


“Well, Dr. Grey, when a man loves a woman…”

“Their friends don’t want to hear it.”


“You guys go out for coffee, then.”

“Agent Lindley doesn’t drink coffee!”

“When she’s with Adrian, she does.”

“You whore!”


“Nothing says breakfast like murder!”


“My cat doubles as a loofah!”


“Does he have the I-just-had-sex-with-myself look?”


“Ooh, sperm!  What?!”


“I think what you’ve been doing is very healthy, and I’d like to commend you.”


“Well, you know.  As the computer experts around here would say, you’ve been double-clicking your mouse.”


“If this ship was a man, I would be on him in two minutes.”


“First of all, I would like to state that torturing injured people is no fun.”


“You’re chief psycho.  I’m chief doctor.”


“I’m allergic to chaos.”


“I think we should make little Lindley clones and then kill them.”  (Only funny because this happened later in the session.)


“So Dr. Grey, Adrian goes over to you to get jabbed…”

“So we meet again, Mr. Bond.”


“Okay, I’m not going to abbreviate ‘analysis room’ that way.  If I do, it says ‘anal room.’”

“Agent Lindley goes in the anal room!”


“It happened on the date that it happened on…”


“Why do you know about my pscyh record?”

“That’s right, why do you know about her psych record?”

“Because you’re talking about it!”


“Most of the Iowans I’ve met are against the stereotypical flat land and corn trees.”


“You don’t have a much higher Intelligence than me.  You has a 5 and I has a 4.”  (This quote won the Spilled Milk Award.)


“This steak is bigger than my window!”

“You don’t have a window.”

“So it’s bigger!”


“We weren’t sure if Seiji was alive or dead when he escaped.”


“Can we keep November as our drug-sniffing pet?”

“A Nephandi-sniffing dog!  Well, she’d say Nazi-sniffing dog.”

“That sounds like a really bad insult.  ‘Come out here and fight like a man, you Nazi-sniffing dog!’”


“Is he wearing a sailor suit?  You know, she may have a fantasy about that.”

“Having sex with an ex-Virtual Adept in a sailor suit?”

“Yeah, I imagine her doin’ it with a steak hanging out of her mouth like Homer Simpson.”

(momentary pause)  “Eww!”




“Does he get a boner?”

“What is wrong with you people?  You know, you were the one who went to the trouble of creating the moment.”

“I created this moment, and now I’m going to take it away!”


“Never let it be said that a Marauder never gave you anything.”

“Dude, she gave me meat!”


“Hey, Anas, look at me.  I’m a sexy Middle Eastern girl…”


“Oh no, I need to put up my sex shield, my hearing condom…”


“Now it’s time for Lindley to go back to her place and double-click her mouse.”


“Look at all the relationships going on here.  Nikki and Beth, Missy and Beth, Rachel and Beth, Anne and Beth, Beth and Beth…”

“Can we use character names to talk about this, please?”


“How does having sex allow me to take my own murder in stride?”


“I’m going to go watch Casablanca with Tuesday.  I mean, September.  I mean, November.”


“Damn it, Grey!  I’m a doctor, not a…doctor.”


“That’s, like, Rule ½.  Don’t give the Marauders ideas.”


“I am not drunk off meat!”


“Haven’t you ever had a girlfriend tease you like that, and then you think, ‘I wish that was mine?’”

“Yeah, and then they bite it, and you think, ‘Man, I’m sure glad it isn’t.’”


“My favorite body part just fell off.”


“When you’re out in space, and you want some loving…not the ‘unh! unh!’ kind, but the ‘awwww’ kind, what do you want?  A cat.”


“He nods imperceptibly…”

“Wait a minute.  If it’s imperceptible, how can she see it?”


“We used to play all sorts of games in the corn.  The best one was always making crop circles.”

“Now that sounds like a euphemism…”


“It’s a triple-date dungeon crawl!”


“No, you cannot smoke the rope.”


“I was just trying to lighten the humor!”


“I’m jumping with a plan, not jumping aaaauuugh!”


“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you have a large slug on your neck that has corrupted your brain.”


“Now you have two pissed-off Technocrats pissed off at you!”


“I don’t wanna sleep in that bed again.  It’s all covered in Adrian and Emily sex.”


“If you’re going to ask me to laminate your cheese…”


“Does this have anything to do with Adrian grabbing your breast when you fell down the shaft?”


“Perhaps you should think of scheduling a gynecological exam, because you are over 18.  Anyway, nice cheese.”


“Cervical cancer is no laughing matter.”

“What made you think of that?”



“I’m wondering if Dr. Grey should just say the thing that’s on her mind right now.”

“Rachel, you know that the answer to that is always yes.”


“Would anybody like to accompany me to the demon-infested mess hall?”


“I’m in love with Adrian!”

“Everybody already knew that.”

“No, not Emily!  Nikki!  Nikki’s in love with Adrian!”


“It’s dark, and she’s playing with hormones.”


“Can you dodge unconsciousness?”


“Do I look like Einstein?  No!  I look like Derek, but I’m really Dr. Grey!”


“By the way, Ensign Malven, you might want to invest in some tampons.”


“Oh, and I forgot to mention: There’s a chair loose on this ship somewhere.”


“I want Awakened socks.”


“We should name it Sweater-y.”

“How about Chance Marcus Larson?”

“Chance Marcus Sweater!”


“Girls are sleek and pretty.  Guys are dangly.”


“Out of curiosity, if I was to have sex with him during this week…”

“He’d be having his period.”


“Something random got dropped into my mouth, and it feels like food…”


“So, have you ever kissed a guy before?”

“No, but I’ve never been a girl before…”


“I’ll be right back, because I have to pee.”

“That’s because I’m so exciting.”

“Right, Rachel.”

“Yes, I drive you to urination.”


“What I want to know is, what Nephandi would be Hitler, and if we met him how fast would we have to run?”


“Tent condom?  Damn, that’s a big penis.”


“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Agetn Lindley, but the more I get to know you, the more human you seem.”


“I’d like to think the union that you and Adrian have is beautiful and not gross.”


“Throwing the hatchet?  Is that a euphemism for sex?”


“Carnivorous moss ate my buttocks!”


“Hmm, Derek sounds like a girl during sex.”

“That’s because he is a girl during sex.”


“Do I get flashes of Adrian?  Of the many, many pleasures of Adrian?”


“Aah, just…just stop thinking at me.”


“You just sit outside and listen to the sounds of dirty, dirty love.”


“Rage against the Nephandi!”

“That sounds like a really bad World of Darkness band…”


“Okay.  Alvin can be Alvin, you can be Simon, and I’ll be Theodore.”


“Okay, Mindy.”


“Well, you went by Mindy at one time.  Why not do it again now?”

“Okay, but then you should know, I’m going to call you Emmy whether you like it or not.”


“Derek needs an alias.  Let’s make it…Ricky.”

(Lucy Ricardo voice)  “Awww, Ricky, why can’t I be on the show?”


“I know!  We could set up a kissing booth and use that to earn money!”

“I’m going to get a drink.”


“Derek, for our next date, how do you feel about homicide?”


“I go looking for the kitchen.  Is there a kitchen?”

“Well…sure, a public kitchen on the first floor.”

“No!  That’s not what I meant.”

“Okay…do you want a little kitchenette thing in your room?  You could probably find one of those, too.”

“No!  I don’t want that, either.”

“Then what do you want?”

“It’s like…oh man, how do I say this?  You know that place in fantasy novels where everyone goes to get food and drinks, and it’s the kitchen downstairs and the hotel upstairs?”

“OH!  You mean an inn!”

“I guess so.”

“Then why did you say kitchen?  If you’d just said inn, the D&D player in my brain would have kicked in and immediately understood what you meant.”


“…And if I combine it all, then I end up with a giant pickled egg cigarette butt with trinkets!”


“Roll Perception plus Streetwise to get married.”


“What I’m going to do is soak with one hand and dodge with the other.”


“Hey, fucko, nice job you did on my engines!”

“…Did you just call my character ‘fucko?’”


“You’re getting another blast of darkness up the poop chute.”


“I have carpal tunnel syndrome from using the replicator.”


“This is how I always imagined my honeymoon would be: competing with J-pop and making loud sex noises while hopped up on amphetamines.”


“Aww…they’re co-dependent.”


“Heh heh heh…”

“What are you contemplating?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“You’re going to spray Fuck Me on Branwyn, aren’t you?”

“And Blow Me on Zack.”


“It’s an orgy!  Everybody was kung fu fighting…oh oh oh…”



The PCs:
Branwyn [don't remember the last name], a Void Engineer. Basically she was Faisa again, except Irish instead of Emirati. Played by Anne.
Melinda Jane Grey, a New World Order (Psych Ops) psychiatrist. Lives entirely within the Technocracy following a somewhat traumatic and unexpected Enlightenment. Ditched her fiance (a Tradition mage, though she didn’t know it at the time) to do it; he’s now looking for her. Played by Rachel.
Emily Nicole Lindley, a New World Order operative. A former star agent who fell from grace after botching a raid on a chantry and having her brain scrambled by a Tradition mage. Now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and a pathological fear of chaos and is the source of great amusement for the rest of her amalgam. Played by Nikki.
Sara Reed, a Progenitor FACADE Engineer. A very recent addition to the Technocracy who is eager to prove herself and almost fanatically devoted. Likes anime, Disney movies, kung fu, and her dog. Has developed a pathetic and futile crush on Adrian. Played by Missy.

Storyteller: Beth.

Fallen Comrades:
Ahlic Lenkey, a Void Engineer (Pan-Dimensional Corps). Got fed up with the amalgam and defected to the Traditions at the urging of his wife, a Celestial Chorist. Played by Missy.
Faisa bint Mara, a member of the Syndicate (Special Projects Division). Also works for the State Department as a representative of her home country, the United Arab Emirates. Seems like a model employee, but has some dark and nasty secrets just beneath the surface. Died from Nephandi. Played by Anne.
Cassondra Myles, a New World Order grey suit valley girl who drove a pink PT Cruiser and said “like” a lot. Reassigned to a construct in California, along with her twin sister. Played by Jenny.