Best of New Hunter Quotes

IC (In Character)

Joe: I just spent $300 to get a fortune teller to call me a bigot.

Joe: I have a superpower too! My superpower is that I can't sleep!

Officer Bryans: Do you have a permit for that weapon?
Joe: The Second Amendment is my permit!

Joe: So you guys know how I have that power?
Brie: The one where you can't sleep?
Joe: No!

Kim, about Matthew Pemmick: I hope you guys get in a fight with him. I wanna see him pick up a car.

Joe: And what's this one for? He turns into a dragon and molests some guy's ear?

Mavenne: I want to get him on record, admitting to controlling the clowns. It'll be helpful later on for our persecution of him.
Noel, OOC: ...You mean prosecution?
Beth, OOC: Bit of a Freudian slip there, huh, Nikki?

Joe: You know what that cat's house looks like. It's like ten plants all in a row.

Leah: Where do you think that he went?
Joe: Probably up to Park Wacka-Chicka-My-Weenie.

Brie: Who would wear sunglasses at night?
Joe: I can think of a few songs about that.

Brie: We went to the basement.
Joe: 10111001?
Brie: That's the one...0111001.

Joe: Do you know anything about giant spiders, Jerry?
Jerry: Well...was it a cartoon giant spider?

Joe: She wasn't fat, she was just pregnant. With dragons.

Dao: I am yours to command.
Beth, OOC: There's some bad fanfic that starts out that way, let me tell you.

Mavenne: The system has a lot of flaws.
Joe: But you'd let it do you in the butt if it was a guy, wouldn't you?

Brie: I would like to speak with him concerning matters of philosophy.
Beth, OOC: ...Said Noel.

Brie: Well, obviously the Espin people were going about it all wrong in that they were planning to hire a bunch of hobos to take part in their ritual...

Brie, about going to church: Just listen for the parts about letting Jesus into your heart.
Kim: The last thing I tried to let into my heart died on its way in.

Leah: How can we turn Ajboh back into Johab?
Hunter Spirits: We will tell you.
[cell phone rings, perfectly interrupting one of the moments of greatest dramatic tension in the game thus far]
Iain, OOC: It's coming from the audience!

OOC (Out of Character)

Iain: So you mosey on over to the Atlanta Museum of the War of Northern Aggression...

Beth: Mavenne's boobs are fake?!
Nikki: Yeah.
Noel: Is that a merit or a flaw?
Iain: Depends on if you're looking or touching.

Nikki: Sweet! Now I just need to find a werewolf who will let me strap it down and peel off its skin.

Iain: You'll notice Kim wasn't willing to go all the way with a vampire, unlike some of the people in this group.
Alex: He just punked you so bad. I might even call it a burn. Or a lesion.

Noel: We're already murderers. We might as well be liars, too.
Beth: I don't think 'we' is quite the right term to use when we're talking about the murderer in this group.

[After learning that a massacre had taken place at the train station.]
Iain: Your courier comes in with a bunch of assistants, which is unusual, because usually they only need one person to bring a corpse in.
Alex: Oh, goddammit. It's gonna be a huge motherfucker.

[Yelled through the wall at the neighbors.]
Noel: Yes, that's right. I said erectile dysfunction!

Alex: I should've taught these guys some code speak before we came over here. You know. Like, "Boy, one sure flew over the cuckoo's nest today."

Alex, explaining the motivation behind his previous comment: Because! Joe is fucking...conspiror!

Alex, as Caspian George climbs onto the roof to do an ill-advised stunt: If he breaks his neck, grab the coins and run.
[thirty seconds later]
Noel: So we leave poor Caspian George in a puddle of his own blood. And teeth. A puddle of his own teeth.

Nikki: Are there arrest warrants out for everyone who isn't Jeffrey Powell?
Iain: So, for the whole rest of the world?

Noel: This man seems to have a cartoon causality problem!

Alex: I'm gonna get back to my house and it's gonna be all lasers and conveyer belts.
Beth: And the mouse comes out of its hole and you'll be like, "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIE!"

Beth, about a 30-foot-long green dragon flying over Atlanta toward Germany: Sounds to me like a classic case of the Air Force's problem.

Nikki: Atlanta does so have a flag! All of the states have a flag!
Everyone else, in unison: ATLANTA'S NOT A STATE!

Alex: How many clowns can a peanut eat?

Iain: Let's just call the hospitals St. John's and St. Judas's. [pause] Wait a minute, Judas isn't a saint.

Beth: If Toddle dies, I'm gonna fucking kill her.
Nikki: Toddle's not going to die.
Noel: Yeah. Keraptis would have to get past me first.
Beth: Yeah, well, if you die, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Alex: If you die, I'm gonna kill Toddle.

Beth: That would be a fun thing to have to explain to the Heralds: how you got your tongue stuck to an evil sword.
Nikki: You see, I have Intelligence 4, but it was an Intelligence 1 moment.
Alex: Yeah, I was only using one of them.
Noel: Wound penalties. That's all I've got to say.

Iain: How far is it to the city of Teffelsburg from the state of Atlanta, if I'm driving from here?

Beth: Can I roll Perception + Theology to see if the imp is alive or dead?
Iain: The Bible doesn't tell you about demon anatomy.
Beth: How do you know?
Iain: [sigh] Okay, you can roll to try to figure out its anatomy.
Beth: [rolls] Two.
Iain: It's a boy.

Beth: What are you doing?
Nikki: Dissecting it.
Beth: It might still be alive.
Nikki: I know, that's the best part.

Nikki: Why do I have 'Johnstown office building' and 'Johnstown warehouse' written down on my to-do list?
Alex: It's probably a place where you wanted to do. It. With someone.

Nikki: Hey, quit juicin' the cumanis!

Beth: Yes, I look for anything suspicious that isn't us.

Nikki: Alex was just quoting a song by Three Dog Night.
Alex: No, the Traveling Wilburys. [pause] Tool.

Iain: I had this guy in a minivan following me yesterday, and he looked just like Meat Loaf.
Beth: What? How?...Oh, you mean the singer, not the food.

Iain: So what do you yell as you bust through the wall?
Beth: No soul for you!

Noel: That kills and a half more than two things.

Alex: I love you, Curio. With all your lesions and your funny ears.

Beth: You know what I love about this game? It's like 1/3 actual gaming, 1/3 people saying horrible but hilarious things, and 1/3 people congratulating other people on how funny the horrible things they just said were.

Iain: Yes, the vagina brings us mirth as well.

Alex: Shut up, atoll.

Iain: So, when we last left off, you guys were all standing around a muffin jerking off...

Noel: Oh hand, bringing me hope...stop bringing me hope!

Noel: I don't know what would be in Brie's closet.
Nikki: Except for Brie.

Noel: Things are getting poison-er!

Iain: What if water, like, froze around a boat? Then would it sink?
Beth: Ice floats!
Iain: Yeah, but what if there was, like, whales and rocks and other punctured ships inside? What if the water brought friends?

Iain: Thank you, Al-Qaeda, for giving the Technocracy an excuse to blow anything up. The planes hit the World Trade Center and they were like, "Christmas!"

Iain: Dirk Benedict. It's my knife and my breakfast.

Noel: I go poke Leah.
Alex: ...In the vagina?
Iain: One finger or two?
Nikki: Or is it three?
Iain: What was Leah's satisfaction threshold?
Beth: Um, I think lots.
Alex: So, like two fists and a foot then?

Nikki: I could show these girls a trick or two.
Noel: With your toothed anus and your boobsplosion.
Iain: No, she's too old for that. All the teeth fell out. It gums you now.

Alex: Mages must have hours of foreplay and then have sex for like three seconds.

Beth: That would be a story for the ages: The time Gauge punched a fallen angel so hard, it fell again.

Beth: I got a 10.
Noel: 13.
Iain: Lesbians suck. Or lick, as the case may be.
Beth: I was wondering how long it would take for that to start.
Noel: Well, we've been playing for 3 1/2 minutes.

Noel: It's like you put a microwave full of silverware in another microwave and then turned them both on.

Noel: Going 50 years forward in this game is kind of like a DC/Marvel crossover.
Beth: Nah, it's more like Crisis On Infinite RPGs.

Iain: Whatever, you don't even know their names.
Nikki: Yes, I do! Jay, Karissa, Michael, and Brie! [pause, points] That's Brie.

[Iain is looking over old campaign notes, perplexed.]
Iain: What the hell? F F F F F F F D D D?
Noel: Maybe it's music.
Iain: No, it's your grades as hunters. You'd better do well on the final, or you're screwed.